Football team attends 3-hour Juggling Club talk on how to attract girls – The Lafayette


On Sunday, in the asbestos-filled dungeon theater of Farinon where they found baby Lindbergh, the Juggling Club held a seminar to get the girls into the loneliest group on campus: the soccer team.

“The key is really having the balls to do it,” Juggling Club senior team captain Josh Tillman said. “Girls fall at our feet as soon as we get our balls out and start playing with them.”

Throughout the three-hour conference, the football team watched a presentation called “Scoring More Than One Threes Off the Field” and had plenty of opportunities to ask questions and take notes.

“We tried to emphasize openness because a lot of them have a rookie mindset. You’d really think none of them ever even spoke to anyone other than the team members,” said senior club vice-president Win Butler ’22.

“Another challenge we hadn’t anticipated was how slowly we had to go through the presentation to make sure we didn’t lose some of the players,” 23 treasurer Brian Wilson said.

This incredibly important job is not new to the Juggling Club; the soccer team is the fifth sports team she has presented the presentation to so far this year.

“Yeah, they came to talk to us at our house. They’ve been very helpful in teaching the do’s and don’ts of talking to girls,” said baseball player Robin Pecknold, who just returned from a tropical island or may have decided to represent his favorite water bottle brand on his hat, mentioned.

“I think the most important thing they said to me was to stop mentioning that I could have gone to the Big 10, while playing for the most losing team in the Premier League over the last few years. last four years,” said senior lacrosse player Justin Vernon.

In addition to sports teams, the Juggling Club has also given lectures to many Greek life organizations.

The Interfraternity Council declared that “the juggling club is doing God’s work”.

Editor’s Note: This is a satirical article featured in our annual Scoffayette issue.


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